The challenges and rewards of motherhood

(taken Christmas 2011)

WORTH IT

Being a working mother presents many challenges….I think…trying to manage all of the components of life as well as being sure to do a really good job at my job is very important to me.  It can be a challenge to balance all of the facets of life as a working mama….not to say in the least that a stay at home mama does not also have challenges and struggles to balance everyday.  For me though….I find the balance can be a challenge…because I try to be exceptional at both…to give 100% to both my family and to my job.  And I think this struggle lately has caused my brain to work on overdrive….especially at night when I am sleeping….because my dreams lately have been more about my children than ever before in my life. 

And as I continue to balance all aspects of life…one thing for me has not changed: how much I love my children…how as most mamas I would give my life for them…and how hard I work at keeping them happy, protecting them from sadness, disappointments, heartaches, bullies, and all that is wrapped around being a 15-year-old, a ten-year old, a nine-year old and a seven-year old.  So lately my dreams have been about trying to get to them…trying to protect them…trying to keep them safe…and trying to keep them from sadness.

But my one dream I had two nights ago sticks with me…and when I replay it….it brings me to tears every time.  First off…I should comment about my oldest son…if you have not read about him….posted on the top of my blog called: A ROCK STAR…well…my Zach is a true good soul….he shows so much compassion for others….it really is incomprehensible.  His most frequently used response to both me and my husband (when asked to do anything…help out with homework, bring in the garbage, take the garbage out, bring down the laundry, make breakfast for the kids, clean up the dishes….I mean anything)…his response is:

No problem Mom

It amazes me sometimes…his compliance…and it is truly genuine…wanting nothing in return…unconditional.

Well back to my dream….For whatever reason…it was the end of the world…the very last day….and I was with my husband at home…and three of my children were accounted for….my Katie at her cousins (she spends so much time there…we are blessed that she has cousins who love her so much…and she loves them in return just the same..they spend an incredible amount of time together…and it makes me so happy that they are family and great friends)…..well Katie was there…okay…thank God…she was with them…on this last night on Earth.

And my Andrew and Gregory were with their cousin Jake…he’s actually here right now….they have been spending more time together…and I am glad about that…the three of them really enjoy each other’s company….and it makes me thrilled that they too are family and friends.

But Zach….in my dream…..he was far away…in a house that I could not get to…and the pain I felt in my heart was incredible….I kept saying to my husband…how can we let our child be alone tonight…on this very last night on Earth…how can we do this do him…how can we not get to him…and I am sobbing…in my dream…and apparently for real (as I woke up crying)…..and for whatever reason…I just could not get to him….I knew where he was….and I knew how to get to him…but I was powerless.  The ache in my heart was a familiar feeling…one that I feel all of the time as a mama…because no matter your child’s pain….you feel it too….no matter the reason for their pain….when they feel sadness…you feel it too.  And as my heart ached with pain….and as I felt how much I must have disappointed him….I continued to sob…..

For whatever reason….in the next part of my dream…my husband and I open a door to a room….and sitting there at table is Zach….and as I fell to my knees….my hands wrapped around my chest thanking God as I continued to cry…..I looked up to Zach…and then ran over to him…and said: I am so sorry….we could not get to you….we couldn’t find the house you were in..how did you get here (I walked he said)….in the dark…..all alone..(yes he said)….I am so sorry Zach…sorry you were alone…sorry it was dark….I am so sorry babe… and he looked at me and said:

No problem Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

metal garages

 

About Kim

My name is Kim Marino and I have been practicing as a licensed speech and language pathologist since 1993. I work on Long Island providing diagnostic evaluations and services to children from birth to age 21. My experience is vast and am proud to say that I work with children that may present with articulation and phonological concerns, oral motor feeding concerns, Down Syndrome feeding, cognitive rehabilitation, auditory processing delays, receptive language delays, cleft palate feeding and sound development and expressive language delays. Most importantly, I am the mother of four amazing children and am happily married to my childhood sweetheart. I feel blessed to have my four children and so lucky to share this journey in life with my husband. I always had it somewhere in my head that I wanted to develop a blog or a website of some sort so that I could provide families with an additional resource....so that parents could help their little ones become a better communicator. And as I was developing this blog....I realized that I also needed to share the stories about my life and my children....and the funny things along the way that help to keep me smiling. Whether you are a working mother or not...finding balance between home, children and life can be a challenge....I hope that my blog helps to bring a smile to your face..and also some tools to help you help your little or big one. I hope you enjoy! Kim
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